Jill spills: Support or Solution? That is the Question!
Living in this era of perpetual distraction, it's preposterously easy to lose ourselves in the unyielding barrage of texts, notifications, emails, podcasts, DMs, and the never-ending scroll of social media. It's unsettling how these digital distractions can pull us away from the very things we cherish most in life, particularly those precious moments with those we love, especially our family—moments of quality time, real connection, and genuine presence.
No matter the age, being present (seriously, put your device somewhere out of sight and out of reach) with our kids should always be a priority.
The choice is ours. One of the most potent ways to build trust and forge a strong connection with our kids is by asking the right questions and truly listening to their responses.
Just last week, I was sharing a coffee with my 22-year-old daughter who was home for a visit. I asked if I could discuss some thoughts with her, never anticipating her response. Her question was simple, yet it carried an extraordinary impact, instantly infusing respect, and thoughtfulness: "Mom, before you dive into your story, are you wanting support or a solution?"
These two simple queries hold the potential to revolutionize the way parents connect with their kids.
The magic lies in the choice which reveals the need. When our children approach us to share, discuss, or unload, each moment may call for a different form of response. Sometimes, they seek empathetic listening and emotional support; at other times, they may be in search of guidance and problem-solving.
By presenting these questions upfront, we empower our kids to steer the conversation in a manner that aligns with their needs. It's not merely about understanding what they desire; it's also about respecting their preference in that very moment. This approach ensures that both parties are on the same page, leading to more meaningful and productive conversations, ultimately creating connection and trust.
The beauty of this dynamic is that it can work both ways when kids are opening up to their parents or friends.
They can say, "I'm open to your insights for a possible solution" or "All I need right now is for you to listen." This proactive approach helps everyone involved maintain clarity and sidestep misunderstandings.
This communication tool is a remarkable way to enrich your relationships with your children, regardless of their age.
It's not about having all the answers or attempting to fix everything; it's about cultivating an ecosystem where conversations are respected, valued, and encouraged.
For me, my daughter's thoughtful query filled me with pride and delight. It served as a gratifying reminder of her beautiful, sage heart and that our children are some of our most profound teachers.
So, the next time your kids turn to you to share their thoughts or feelings, consider asking, "How can I help: Do you want support or a solution?" Remember, these are not only amazing communication skills for our families, but for all relationships. Lead by example.
