Jill spills: “I’m a Fun Person, Dammit!”

Ah, the parenting gig—a journey of dichotomies. Initially, you bask in the glory of being the revered authority figure, the invincible protector, even donning the cape of a superhero. It all seems deceptively easy with smooth sailing ahead. Ha! Here comes the rogue wave, and the tweens emerge. Suddenly, you transform from a beloved figure into an embarrassment, an irritant, and a joy-crusher. The tides soon change once again, ushering in the era of full-fledged teens with raging hormones, driving escapades, boundary-testing experiments, and a cocktail of secrecy and shenanigans. It's a full-force preparation for their imminent emergence into adulthood. Instead of holding on, you find yourself grappling with the art of letting go, attempting to straddle the delicate balance between embracing their autonomy and reining them in from impulsive, half-baked decisions. This phase of parenting, dealing with teens and emerging adults, was where I faced my most significant challenges.

I absolutely failed the most, and learned the most. 

I found myself constantly wrestling with my intense love and responsibility for my kids. My kids, however, would call it being a control-freak, and a killjoy. The transition from being the boss to becoming a cherished team player demanded finesse, and finesse was never my forte. Trying to pull out of the Momma-Bear nosedive with your kids is like executing a hair pinned turn in a cruise liner. It requires patience, a virtue that I have yet to master. But I always saw the light at the end of the tunnel, guided by one of Stephen Covey's mantras: "Begin with the end in mind."

My ultimate goal was to have healthy, enjoyable, and lifelong relationships with my kids.

Let me be very clear—I never aspired to be my kids' bestie. I am their mom, a role far more important than that of a buddy. Being a mom is the most significant role of my life—an honor, a privilege, a responsibility, and a lifelong commitment. During their high school years, I remember exclaiming, with a mix of desperation and humor, "I am a fun person, dammit!" I even went so far as to pathetically implore them to ask any of my friends about my fun-loving, carefree, hilarious, and adventurous side. It really bothered me that my kids didn't get to experience that side of me, as I clung too tight to being "right" and doing right by them. I missed the target a lot when it came to balance, and that cost me a connection with my kids.

I didn’t pick my battles – I fought every battle intending to win because at that time, I felt that was my duty as their mom.

I've always been unapologetically myself—scrappy, honest, impulsive, emotionally charged, fiery, sarcastic, easily annoyed, and on the flip side, fiercely loving, trustworthy, dependable, generous, and committed to health and integrity. If my kids looked, smelled, or behaved like crap, I called it out, no sugarcoating. In hindsight, I recognize that I could have tempered my fiery delivery a tad, as those edgy comments unintentionally created insecurities. My intentions were never to bruise their souls or dent their self-worth, but as my kids wisely reminded me, intentions can be futile and full of crap.

I've had my fair share of "OMG" moments, desperately hoping for my kids to see the laid-back, fun side of me instead of the bossy, fiery-mouthed Momma Bear.

Why do I share this honest glimpse into my past parenting struggles? Because time is precious. And because we are all learning all the time. Make your time count and make your moments matter. Laugh more. Enjoy more. Evolve alongside your kids and expand together for the better. Our kids are our greatest teachers, treasures, and character-builders, no doubt.

Don’t rob your kids of the best parts of you. Being “right” doesn’t always do a relationship right. You get my point...  

It's never too late to let your lighthearted self shine more often. Show your fun side earlier, let your humor out to play. Transform your family life into a joy ride rather than a rollercoaster. While rollercoasters are fun occasionally, you're always ready to get off. Make your family's journey full of shared laughter, and treasured memories. Embrace the parenting dichotomy, and let your kids experience the fun person you are, dammit!